Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Confession I

I confess. I intensely dislike living with my daughter right now. She is relentless. She has an excuse for EVERYTHING. Then there's her petry dish of a bedroom.

Yes, I know, I am supposed to be the adult. Well I don't FEEL like the adult. What I FEEL like is erecting a tent in Central Park and moving her into it! I wouldn't be completely heartless: I'd give her tools to forage.

Most of the time I wonder how in the blue blazes I am going to get through the next few years with her. She's 13 now and I am counting down the days until she leaves for college.

It gets pretty dicey in our home sometimes. It's just the 2 of us. She's starting her womanhood and mine is ending. It's like 2 cats with backs arched, fur flying and hissing.

My favorite line about parenthood is from the movie "Parenthood" when one of the characters says you have to have a license to drive, even a license to fish, but they'll let any butt reaming asshole have a kid. Crude, but true. NO ONE tells you how awful it is being a parent. They want you to believe there's no greater joy. Well if you've got support from a spouse or family in the immediate area, or you don't have to work while you're raising your child or be the sole provider, then, yes, I suppose your experience could be more tender.

Being a single mother isn't fun, it isn't easy and many times I wish someone else would take over. I am not bitter, just tired. And I'd like to have a life.